Hello, my Lovelies,
Hope you’re all doing well.
I’ve been doing the usual amount of reading (it’s a nightly thing with me) and sadly, I’ve come across some absolute shockers.
Let’s lead with something good though, shall we?
Paul Pilkington and his DCI Paul Cullen Mystery Series. Very much enjoyed them. Yes, I did. And you might do as well, so pop off and have a squiz.
Kinda wishing I hadn’t read them so fast because what came next was … hmmm … shall we say, disappointing?

I’d loaded my Kindle (as I do) with random books. Nothing else matched Paul’s standard. Nothing else was even in the postcode.

I read a book by someone who had a main character that I wanted to slap (not a bad thing) except this main character was supposedly good at her job (computer consultant) yet didn’t know much about tech at all. She also didn’t have the slightest idea of what it’s like to fly at 37,000 feet or be on an aeroplane.
FYI, you cannot see people going about their daily lives from 37,000 feet. (I’m not joking, she thought you could. I was just up there, and there was bugger all to see. Mostly clouds down below and a lot of sky everywhere else.)
And how people behave on a flight – is not at all how she thought it went.
People tend to keep to themselves. Flying is not a friend-making mission. You don’t get up and socialise with the entire cabin. No one fucking cares. Everyone just wants to eat their meal, drink their wine, and get to the other end of the flight.
The author created a joyful romp for 7 and a 1/2 hours while the whole plane load of passengers discussed western movies, because the MC liked westerns.
Can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to stop myself from harassing all the passengers on a 737-800 with Wiki-sized nonsense about old westerns.
Yes, I can.
NEVER.
And I do love a western.
Then there was the horse business. I think she might’ve seen a horse but I doubt the author ever rode or got up close to one or had a conversation with someone who rode …
And then it got truly stupid.
The MC fell apart all over the place for no reason whatsoever. Honestly, I was kinda hoping she’d get kicked in the head by the horse or maybe drown in the river. (There’s a plot twist I could get behind.) But no.
Yeah, I stuck it to the end because I’m a sucker for punishment. Also, it became a series of teachable moments. All she needed to do next was cascade up some stairs and wham bam thank you, ma’am, she’d have single-handedly proved why you shouldn’t publish the first draft. Except I don’t think it was the first draft. How scary is that?
Very, is the answer.

Anywho, moving on to the next book … it was something about SEALs. My head is actually shaking while I’m typing. Again. Do some research, for the love of all things holy, RESEARCH. Also, wasn’t a novel-length story it was a novella wearing a less than cunning disguise.

And again, this time we have a story about some ex-military blokes who have a security business and they charge off all over the UK hunting some bad guy (who outsmarts them continually) and the MC is dribbling on for PAGES AND PAGES about how much he likes some girl. And then, just for funsies, she dribbles on for PAGES AND PAGES about how much she likes him. It’s going on and on.
Let’s just get on with the story, shall we? And just when they start to move the story … the dribble starts again for another three or four or five or six pages. I’m flicking through those pages like my life depends on it. It’s a pattern with this story when I turn the page on my Kindle and see a solid page of dribble I skip and keep skipping until I find dialogue or a paragraph break, anything that gives my brain a break.
Find the kidnapper and save the sister – we don’t need all the fluffy bs. Also, just wee thing … the female MC was 12 when the male MC saved her the first time from a kidnapper. TWELVE. Let that sink in. He was some special forces hero type when she was 12. She’s now 22. And they’re all over each other. I can’t help but think he’s a grubby old bugger and she must have Daddy issues. Oh, guess what? She does have daddy issues.
There are some pretty solid patches of dialogue in this one though, it’s that just everything else needs help, re-writing or torching.

Edited to add this: Turns out the writer of the nonsense with all the pages of boring blah blah and the dirty old buggers has written over 200 books. I’m quite stunned. The more I think about the book I just read the more I hated the characters and their stalky, controlling ways. I know some people who are the people you want to come to get you if you are in a tight spot, they would not stalk a child they’d rescued for the next 10 years. The male characters were creepy and icky, that’s not romantic that’s a lot of red flags. And the end of the story … could’ve spent more time on the rescue and less time on the stalkery bs. That’s all I have to say.