It’s Just Me. Raw words page 7/8

“I was always there, always.”

“As. A. Ghost! A ghost on messenger. A ghost on my phone. A figure in the shadows.”

“When I pulled through inexplicably the decision was made to utilize that and to work the case I’d already started.”

“To Never go home to your wife, family, friends. Did we figure at all?” I gulped some wine. More an effort to empty the glass before the impulse to toss over him took hold. I didn’t want to ruin my carpet and sofa.

“I was going to die anyway –why go through that twice?”

The chemo drugs I’d found. 

“But here you are, corporeal and drinking my Pinot.”

“Seems I am harder to kill than first thought.”

I dismissed his lack of death.

“Why don’t your prints match?”

“Match what?”

“You…”

“They do. My prints in my file were changed.”

Another gulp of wine.

“”You’re here why?”

“To explain why I did what I did.”

“It’s a bit late. I left the bureau over this, over secrets! Over O’Connell knowing. I couldn’t deal with the dead-husband come to life thing.”

He nodded and had the good grace to show remorse.

“…and you, you prick. You left me with your fucktarded brother.”

Laughter erupted form deep within him.

“Now, for that… I owe you a great debt.”

“No you owe me for not putting a bullet in you so far tonight. Can’t kill a dead man. Would be the perfect crime.”

He raised his glass. “I owe you.”

I watched carefully as I dropped the next tit-bit of information. “Lee knows it’s you.”

“You sent him the picture…”

“I need to know I’m not insane and seeing things. You don’t know how far you’ve pushed me and how close to the brink of insanity I really am.”

“You ran my prints in Germany.”

Confirmation that it was him.

“Dah! How else would I know they didn’t match?”

“Touché.”

“Have you closed the case?”

“Yes.”

“Corrupt senators in bed with the underworld. Well done. Hope it was worth your life.” The words came out with more venom than I intended.

“It’s never worth it.”

“Your loss.”

He refilled the glasses.

“Have you eaten?”

“Not yet,” I replied swilling back a large mouthful of the soothing wine. 

“I’ll fix you an omelet.”

So close I could smell him.

“There is no need.” I knocked back the entire glass and poured another. I was starting to feel the buzz.

“You should eat. I’ll cook.”

I finished the glass while listening to Rowan singing and Mac finding his way around the kitchen. So many memories surfaced I didn’t’ know where to put them all. A life gone by. Mac banging about in the kitchen – singing softly. Grange on the stereo, and me going over case files while everything happened around me. Just how present was I during our marriage?

Guilt?

How dare he make me feel guilty? I wasn’t the one working undercover from beginning to end of our relationship. I didn’t pretend to graduate from the Academy when I was already a special agent undercover in O’Connell’s private army. He lied to all of us. We thought he was Mac the stock trader, then Mac the special agent with cyber division. But he wasn’t, he was Mac the undercover operative. Mac, my knight in shining armor. Mac the lying bastard who left but couldn’t stay gone.