That’s how strong my love is.

This year is a significant year for most of my closest friends and My Knight.
It is also the Year of the Tiger (we’re all tigers) but that’s not the thing we’re all celebrating this year.
It’s got me thinking about where I saw myself and where I am. Because at some point over the years I saw myself somewhere. Actually, I’ve seen myself in lots of places and most of the time I was exactly where I wanted to be, until I wasn’t. It’s the same for most people, I’m sure. Perhaps not our parent’s generation though. They tended to get it right the first time or they didn’t realise there was a choice.
I did get it right, then I fucked it up by being too loyal and not recognising what My Knight was offering. In all fairness, I was a teenager and a right bitch at times. The beauty of hindsight.
I am not looking back and regretting any decisions here. I have a wonderful family and I created amazing children (with the help of two ex-husbands). The fact that we can all come together when the kids need us is nothing short of extraordinary. We can, we do. Don’t fuck with our kids, because you will not beat us and we will end you.
I have a wonderful relationship with a man I’ve known my whole life (literally, our mothers were pregnant with us at the same time, they were best friends until mine died). I have fabulous friends, I’ve known forever. I have fabulous friends I’ve only known for a short time. Such is life.
Keith Richards is still alive! I mean seriously if anyone had told me how old I’d be and able to say that when I was 20, I would’ve considered them mentally impaired.
Quite importantly, Superman is still alive and kicking down in Mahau Sound.
I’ve had the company of 8 dogs over my life so far, starting from when I was 4mths old. Some didn’t last over five years and some lived fairly long lives. All were loved and knew how loved they were.
Over the years I have made significant changes to how my life is lived and who I live it with. I spent a long time trying to find a missing piece, I didn’t even know what I was looking for, just that nothing was right. I think it was more, I didn’t admit what I was looking for to myself because the option wasn’t there. He’s not missing anymore.

Did I ever see myself in Washington, D.C? No, not really. Did I ever see myself covertly in the Navy Yard? Nope. Don’t think the Admins ever envisaged that either. Ah, the fun we’ve had! The shit we’ve done!

I’ve written about 21 books. To be honest I’ve kinda lost count. 16 are published, 1 is due out on June 1st. Four are hidden away from the world. I’m writing now.
I don’t know how many short stories and poems I’ve written and have had published. I simply do not know. Never counted them. I don’t think “Writer” was something I ever saw in my future. Other people saw it. Never me. Now it’s who I am. I am a crime writer. Feels like I always have been.
Certainly for the entirety of my youngest child’s life. I look at the titles of my novels and they remind me where I was and what I was doing, and how old Doris was at the time.
Teacher, maybe? Teaching crime writing? Yeah Nah. 🙂 But I do and I love it.
Co-director of the only bookshop in New Zealand that just stocks Kiwi Authors, was not something I saw coming either. But here we are, 6 years later, still ticking.

What have I learned over the last significant period of time?
That happiness is the thing that matters most.
If you’re not happy being you, how the fuck can you be happy with other people?
What I know is, you don’t regret happiness.
I also know that NO ONE is happy all the time. Everyone has bad days. And nothing lasts forever. A sense of humour is vital.

I’m sitting in my room, drowning my A-hole neighbours out with The Rolling Stones, reminding myself that nothing lasts forever and how much fodder for the new book they’ve given me, quite unwittingly.
The girls are downstairs either watching Netflix or playing an X-box game together.
They’re enjoying reminding me how old I’ll be in December, a little too much. Jon Bon Jovi just had his birthday and seems to have survived, so there’s hope!
At this point in time (pandemic life and whatnot), I’ll be amazed if we all get to celebrate our birthdays together this year. It’s been three years since My Knight and I have spent our birthdays together. Would be nice if that happened this year. Our birthdays are both in December. December is busy. I have a horrible feeling that it won’t happen. So I need to settle that in my mind, get ahead of potential disaster.

There is one impossible thing I wanted before this birthday and I know it won’t happen because — impossible. 🙂 🙂
Bit of a shame but you can’t always get what you want. (See what I did there?)


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