Things I have learnt.

If you are away from something for two months and don’t miss it, it’s time for a change. You all know I was away from the bookshop for two months. I did not miss it.
It’s not that I didn’t miss interacting with authors – that part I did miss.
I very much enjoy catching up with other authors and chatting with them.
I didn’t miss the place.
I didn’t miss the migraines that go with the fucking awful fluro lighting. (Doesn’t matter how good the preventative meds are if you are constantly exposed to a known trigger. There are limitations to Blue Blocker glasses and medication.)
I didn’t miss the walk … I thought I did. But my foot and knee tell me I did not. I can walk to other places that don’t end in misery and pain. For instance, a walk around the park or to Silverstream is much easier than to UH.

I didn’t miss smashing my head into the brick wall that is introducing Kiwi readers to Kiwi authors. You’d think after all this time the message would be sinking in and sales would be going up and we’d be closing in on being fully self-sufficient and paying ourselves.
Yeah, that’s not happening.
I didn’t miss coming up with “stories” for Facebook and Instagram … mostly because I was still doing that. I was still creating short video for the stories and uploading them.
I’d much prefer to spend that time uploading stories for my benefit. At least then I can appreciate any results. 🙂

I walked up this morning to the bookshop. It was a hot and sweaty walk. I’d been there an hour before a migraine hit. Had to take some fairly heavy-duty meds because of it. I left early and walked home. By the time I got home the meds had fully kicked in. Funny how they don’t work on everything. Migraine is under control but arthritis in my foot was really pissing me off.

I’m waiting for a surgery date for my wrist. That’s pretty exciting. It’s also going to be quite frustrating in other ways. It’ll be very hard for me to shower and dress, let alone get ready to walk to the bookshop. I won’t be able to get in and out of the house without help. I’ve been there before a long time ago. This time I don’t have a mother to take two weeks off work to look after me and the dog, and the kids. Admittedly I also don’t have a 3 yr old. I do, however, have a chronically ill 17 yr old. (That’s another whole fucking thing that means I feel incredible guilt when I’m not at home to help her.)

After I emailed Caro this morning, I messaged my best friends and My Knight and told them what was going on and my decision. They know me very very well. They know this is not something I’d ever do lightly or on the spur of the moment. I’ve had two months to think about this and decide where my priorities lie. Decide where I need to be. And decide what I can live with.
It’s not with a bunch of books, I can tell you that.
Although in saying that, I feel like I have let our authors down by deciding to put me and my family first, and by deciding to leave the bookshop. I don’t know yet if we’ll stay as online only (I can’t do that so someone else would have to take over) or if we will close completely.
Hopefully, we will be able to email our authors later in the week and let them know what is going to happen.


I can sell my own work via my website – I can even do it without using an expensive plugin. Sometimes basic is best. I can’t afford expensive plugins anyway, so, there’s that. Maybe with renewed enthusiasm, I’ll actually make some decent sales, nag Freda into finding that old SE that I can turn into a TikTok phone, and figure out this book Tok thing? 🙂

Anyway, here are Dallas and Patrick:

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4 thoughts on “Things I have learnt.

  1. Oh no! For us authors in particular, it is such bad news, but then it’s the best news now you are able to take care of yourself and your tribe, furry and otherwise. You are an absolute legend Cat, you have given me such wonderful support, and you are such a lovely person. Tear tear. You have so many authors I’m sure they will all be very understanding, you have done what you’ve done for so long, we have been so lucky to have you – to the future! Hugs Jase x

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